I realized just now that I didn’t write any entry yesterday…I’m sure that loss has devastated several of my fans to the point of committing suicide.  Go ahead…do it…do it…hahaha, I’m just joking……(do it…)

 

Well, yesterday marked the day that I lost a whopping $766.51 to release myself from that terrible “level 30” hold on my account.  Being poor is not cool…I feel so close to being destitute that I’ve already reserved my boxcar space, and have begun stocking up on canned beans.  But not just any kind of beans…Busch’s Baked Beans (the talking golden retriever brand)!

 

Sigh.

 

After I paid my account, I decided to get myself some breakfast at Café84.  I really couldn’t find anything so I just bought a little carton of skim milk and took a straw so I could enjoy it on the go.  I exited from the glass double-doors in the back, and to my horror, I ALMOST FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.  I was on the top step, and then for some reason, I just slipped in the most cartoon-esque fashion (one leg kicks up really high in the air; whole body falls backward).  The only thing that saved me from breaking my precious (yet oh-so magnificently saggy) ass was the fact that my bitch-like reflexes reached up and grabbed the railing so I could hold myself up.  I was pretty surprised considering that I have almost no upper body strength.  I recovered from the fall instantly but was immediately overcome by the strongest sense of embarrassment.  There was no one around me, but hell, I was right in front of those damn glass doors!  MILLIONS must have seen me practically spread eagle on those damn stairs. 

 

Sigh (x2)

 

I realized right after I fell that I would be having a bad day.  I was semi-right.  It was not THAT bad, but it was a little…wrong.  As I was walking to my first class, this little truck/cart thingy that the maintenance people drive around in, drove past me….  To my absolute horror and disgust, the bed of the truck/cart was FULL (and I mean FULL) of manure.  The fertilizer was piled SO HIGH, I’m sure even angels could smell it.  I almost vomited in horror (and a little shame).  It left a fast-spreading trail of vomit-inducing smell.  Gag.  Gag.  GAG!

 

The next bad thing that happened occurred as Jason and I were walking to commons to get some food.  As I was cheerily walking along, I stepped on a rather large nut-pod that had fallen on a neighboring tree.  The pressure of my foot caused the nut to explode, releasing a gooey substance, which caused me to slip AGAIN.  I grabbed Jason’s arm in the even that I did fall in order to take him down with me, but luckily, my bitch-like reflexes saved me yet again and I regained my footing without a problem.

 

Later on in the day, we planned to eat dinner at Café84 so I could eat some delicious Wok INSANE food.  Chicken with Wok INSANE sauce please!  Lots and lots of people couldn’t go so for a while it was going to be just Tiff, Jason, and Me, but then I remembered how much I wanted to meet…(what’s-his-face?)…the “Is that a fat joke?” guy so I suggested that we invite him.  He agreed to come and some of his friends would come too.

 

The two friends didn’t come b/c they supposedly didn’t want to walk so far, but to our surprise, they were there in Café84, having a freaky blast without us! 

 

So we called them over and we talked and laughed.  Mostly laughed.  Those guys are such a riot.  Too bad I don’t remember ANY of their names (My bad?)   One of the funniest things that happened was that the “Is that a fat joke?” guy was holding up this Kikkoman shoyu packet and then I guess he was trying to throw it into the garbage pile (it was a rather substantial pile of crap), but he totally missed and it landed into Tiff’s food!  She starts yelling and picks it up and starts gesturing madly, and I, being the good friend that I am, stir up the food in the bowl so that all the germs are hidden.  The “Is that a fat joke?” guy points out how silly that was to stir the germs and dirt INTO the food; he believes that the clever thing to do would be to take off the top layer of it.  Umm…no.  That can’t be right!  Stirring the germs/dirt INTO the food seems like the right…the MORAL…thing to do.  Why?  I’m not going to tell you…YOU want the TRUTH?  YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 

 

After that I walked home and took a nice shower and then started reading econ…that textbook is so boring!  But I find some of it interesting…but VERY little of it. 

 

That is the end of yesterday…now…headlines from today!…

 

EXTRA!  EXTRA!  READ ALL ABOUT IT!  LORETTA’S LIFE IS NO MORE EXCITING THAN ANYONE ELSES!

 

Today was a normal day.  Went to class.  Walked to next class.  Read for ITP.  Went to class.  Walked to next class.  Etc. 

 

My Econ professor, Dr. Al Sabea told our lecture that beef WILL kill you.  One day he was walking with one of his colleagues when that colleague just collapsed and died.  CHOLESTOROL!  It’s in beef!  And between all of this, he drew some graphs. 

 

Now I’m eating a TV dinner b/c I have a bunch of them and I have to wait like 2.5 hours before I can eat again at Parkside.  Later I have to study for math b/c I don’t understand it at all.  Probability Tree?  PROBABILITY TREE?  What’s that?

 

AAAAH!  My life is TRASH!

 

Alright.  That’s all for now…but beware…I WILL BE BACK (sunglasses on, Austrian accent). 

 

Love,

Loretta “almost broke her precious ass” Wang

My weekend was uneventful, much to my sadness.  All I did was putter around the apartment pretending to be important.  Dinosaurs are important, so I pretended to be a Dinosaur.  But a dinosaur, I am not.  Roar? 

Sunday evening marked the night where I finished my webpage.  Unfortunately, people that I have sent it to have emailed me with problems they have been facing.  Apparently, sometimes the links don’t work, or sometimes they don’t get links at all.  What’s going on?  Has my life’s greatest work become just another webpage in the sea of pages destined to become another “The page cannot be displayed?”  I mean, it works just fine when I access it from my laptop.  I’m just going to assume that ya’ll’s comps are messed up in order to save my own pride.  So there (Pride at maximum level)!

Oh yeah, I had like TWO dreams in a row in ONE NIGHT.  It was weird. 

My first dream had me and mom walking into this old house that turns out to be a Gucci outlet store!  It looks like a Salvation Army or something b/c the merchandise is just piled up on tables.  So I go and I look at a bag and it’s $17!  I grab one.  I see this Gucci bracelet.  It has these beautiful flamingo pink gemstones set in it…$17!  I grab one.  Finally I see this awesome Gucci web belt (amazingly similar to the pink one I wear)…$8!  I grab one.  And then I went upstairs…I saw an even better belt for (hold on to your hat)…$6!  You wouldn’t believe how happy I was in that dream.  I was just ecstatic.  Nothing could get me down…except for waking up.  I swear, that first second I was awake, I was sure that it had happened, and that I owned all this beautiful Gucci stuff.  But then I realized that it was just a dream…I guess I’ll just steal Daniel’s roommate’s stuff.

I fell asleep immediately after.

My second dream that night was sort of a nightmare.  You know that bedsheet canopy thing I pinned up to my ceiling?  My nightmare was that it fell down and wouldn’t go back up.  I tried and tried to pin it up and it just wouldn’t work.  I was so sad that I forced myself to wake up.  I look up at my ceiling and YES, they were still there.  So I fall asleep again… RIGHT INTO THE SAME DREAM!  I’m still trying to pin my sheets up, but it won’t work!  And the next thing I know, my maroon sheets turn baby green!  It was weird.  It still wouldn’t go up.  It was just hopeless.  I tell myself to wake up and I do…and I look up to see that the sheets are NOT on the ceiling anymore.  I was so sad.  I was also quite MAD.  But then I wake up FOR REAL (yes, I fake woke up in a dream) and to my relief, my sheets were right where I left them.  Ahh…bliss. 

Today I have to do math and read for ITP.  Damn reading.  Damn probability trees.  Damn them all to hell.

Oh yeah!

Friday night some lady calls me and tells me my R3 application cannot be processed b/c I had a hold on my account.  Meaning, I have a balance that I need to pay.  The lady tells me that they can usually bypass a level 1-7 hold but I have a whopping LEVEL 30 hold!  What kind of money do I owe these people?  So tomorrow morning I have to wake up early and go to the collections building (with my check book) and pay off the damn thing.  And then they’ll give me a piece of paper that I have to give to my CSC.  And then they’ll process my application.  Lots to do tomorrow. 

I hate my life.

Pasta for dinner tonight.  Mmmm-mmm.

Oh yeah, speaking of phone calls…someone called me last night (or this morning?) at 2:43 AM.  It was a “private” call (meaning my caller ID showed “private”) so I answered the call and was like, “haalooo?”  And they hung up.  I could have killed them.  Not only did this person wake me up, they woke up my poor roommate as well.  Mystery caller, whomever you are, you better fess up, b/c if you do…I’ll let you meet a few of my friends…Mister Knife, and Mister Brass Knuckles are REALLY eager to meet you…

Tiffanie aka “The Fist” will go over there and whoop your ass…and then she’ll go back to NY with me, so we can continue embezzling money from our milk crate company!

Tiff – What ARE the proper channels?  Clue me in…*wink, wink*

Love,

Loretta “SAY IT TO MY FACE!” Wang

Because I’m a bit sleepy, I’ll keep this entry short and sweet…well, not sweet…but it WILL be short…well, it may not even be that…

Didn’t really do much today.  I woke up at around 9:30 am (late by my standards) and immediately called Tiffanie to start planning our “brunch.”  Jason had called me around 10 the night before to remind me to plan a brunch for the next day.  Tiffanie had wushu (which apparently has crippled her, to my sadness *tear*) at 12 and had to leave by 11:30 which gave us a very limited time frame.  Jason was fine with any time, b/c like me, he has no life.  I couldn’t get in contact with Khairunissa so she was out of the picture.  We ended up meeting at 10:30 for a Denny’s breakfast/lunch.  It turned out that Denny’s was a bit busy so we left and went to UV instead. 

It was deserted.

Tiff and I both got Korean BBQ, and whats-his-face got Pizza.  After that we just sat around and talked (mostly about how cute Tiffanie’s styrofoam cup was, oddly enough).  At 11:20 Tiffanie left to go catch her ride, and Jason and I went to Radio Shack b/c I had a question about my phone plan.

I waited for like 20 minutes to talk to someone.

All I wanted to do was ask someone whether I could use my Cali cell in Hawaii w/o incurring those steep roaming charges.  She told me I would have to change my number.  Fat chance.

When I went home, I called Verizon, and the quite efficient and thorough representative told me, “yes.”  So now I can call ya’ll (and receive calls, that is, if some of you plan on actually calling) while I’m back home for the summer!  “whoo-hoo.”

After that I sat around playing Solitaire on my computer.

Solitaire:  The lonely man’s game.

After that I realized I had played solitaire for a solid hour, I decided that it was time to get crackin’ on my homework, so I read a weeks worth of Mythology.

Hermes killed, skinned, and cooked a cow when he was just 1 day old!

Zeus is a sex addict.

And then I ate dinner (leftover Korean), and watched tv, and basically lived my life as a lazy blob. 

Life is good.

Oh yeah, a few nights ago, I let my neighbor borrow a pair of wooden chopsticks so she could cook Malasadas (a local Hawaii favorite, remind me to make it for you one day.  It is so ono [ono=delicious]).  Well, I realized like 5 minutes ago that she never gave them back.  Now, don’t start thinking I’m crazy, although I bet you already do, but when I realized that I didn’t have my trusty, wooden, cookin’ chopsticks in my possession…I felt…violated.  So I stalked across the hall and demanded (meaning kindly asked) for them back.  And do you know what I found?

She had put them in a drawer.

And we all know what that means…she was trying to embezzle them from me.  I was mad, but I hid it under a facade of general agreeableness. 

But we all know I’m NOT an agreeable person.

But that’s what makes me special…right?

Love, 

Loretta “I’m going to kill you!” Wang

Strawberry count to date:  3:  Tiff, Me, the Peacock in Arcadia that ignored Tiff and Me.  Considering making Daniel’s mansion a Strawberry. 

This entry wasn’t very short afterall. 

“Strawberries stay friends forever!”

It is my first entry ever!  It is time to celebrate!  Bust out the champagne and decorations!

 

It is 7:37 am and I am desperately waiting for the bathroom.  I’m sorry, but I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who has an unusually small bladder (or so I suspect).  It is quite difficult to have a “normal” life when one’s bladder gets full on a teaspoon of diet cola.  Jason recommended eating salt to absorb the excess, but I find that a little stupid considering that 1) I DON’T need the extra sodium; 2) I DON’T need my blood pressure to go bonkers; 3) I need the salt to throw at the eyes of my enemies; if I eat it, I will be defenseless!  “Chaa!”

 

I just finished all of my classes for today so I can finally look forward to the weekend!  Yippee…oh wait, I have to do my goddamn laundry, and oh (!) what is this?  There are no washers or dryers open!  How can USC possibly expect to fulfill my washing needs with only 2 washers and 2 dryers?  It’s absurd I tell you!  Absurd!  Filth everywhere…

 

Alas.

 

Math today was funny…actually, no, scratch that, ONE part of math was funny.  Goldstein was teaching us about Probability Trees where you take multiple probabilities and draw them like “branches” of a “tree” and then they in turn “grow” into more “branches,” and more “branches,” and yes, even more theoretical “branches,” until you have a TREE…a tree of epic proportions!  It WILL rule the world one day; and us lowly humans will be its slaves.  It will be a sad day for all (except for Master Tree, that is).  But anyway, our probability tree consisted of potato chip factories (or was it microCHIPS?  Hmm…many questions arise).  We had three factories and they all made chips of either ”good” or “bad” quality.  The teacher asks us to shout out the percentages of “good” and “bad” chips each factory made so he could draw the tree.  When we got to the last factory, Factory C, he asked us to suggest the percentage of chips that Factory C produces are “good.”  Daniel then shouts (rather, he loudly mumbles) “Zero!”  And I laughed and laughed.  Not at Daniel, but at the fact that every single thing that factory makes is crap.  What a waste of potatoes!  (Think of the starving Ethiopians…“no food in their stomachs!”)  I reckon that Daniel is the one who owns Factory C…that would explain everything. 

 

I ate a lot of chocolate today (mostly in the form of Mac Nut chocolates and Oreo cookies, though I question the authenticity of the chocolate in Oreo cookies).  I like eating my Oreos after they’ve been sitting in milk for a while, so that they’re really nice and soft, right on the brink of falling apart.  Delicious. 

 

Vomit.

 

Man, I’m bored.  Someone save me from this pathetic life of seclusion and never-ending sorrow!  I want to go back to those really cheap chinese restaurants.  They are quite good for the price!

 

Oh yeah, for ITP we have a website project where we have to make a website for our “business” that is marketing some sort of product.  Well, unlike lots of other people who are making websites for some surf shop (as if there aren’t enough of those already), I have decided to take another path to commercial success:  I will be selling milk crates.  That’s right.  Milk crates.  My business is called “The Magical World of Milk Crates.”  Please, feel free to email me with any and all of your milk crate needs!

 

Love,

Happy Melon