Just about time to go yo…gonna bust it out old school back in Hawaii.  Seriously…uhh…dawg!  Yeah! 

Do you know what I just discovered?  There is a HUGE-ASS hole in the bottom of my backpack!  How the hell am I supposed to carry my crap home in a bag with a hole in it?!  HOW?!  I guess a hole in my backpack is better than one in my pants…Okay, it’s time for me to bust out my needle and thread.  Knowing my sewing skills, I will somehow sew my backpack to my thigh **sob**

Oh no, it’s my last xanga entry before spring break.  Oh well.  I will be back in a week and then everything will be back to normal. 

Oh my precious Tiffanie is off to explore the wonders of Europe.  I tried to call you Tiff, but your phone was off!  Anyway, while Tiff is happily running around London and Paris (take advantage of Italian made clothing in Paris!), taking pics like mad, I’ll be in Hawaii (hopefully tanning or shopping).

I can’t believe how many people tell me that I’m “so lucky” to be going to Hawaii for spring break…yeah…well I guess the fact that my home just happens to be in Hawaii has not struck me recently.  It’s just Hawaii!  You’ll get bored there in a week!  Try spending your WHOLE LIFE THERE!  It loses its specialness after a while.  But I will admit, that I’m still extremely excited to see my family.  Papa!  Mama!  Dancha!  Poncho! 

Today I had to miss a class to go sign my lease.  We actually made an appointment for like 10:30 but we were forced to wait until 12 because this mob of chinese boys totally took up our spot (plus the hour and a half after that!).  Damn them.  I want them to go to hell and stop touching each other excessively.  **shudder**

Oh yeah.  Tiffanie and I now (officially) hate each other.  But at the same time, she’s obsessed with me and all I want is some Loretta-time.  So between moments of hatred, Tiff will try and sneak into my bed and I will scream and she will scream and we will just stand there screaming.  I can never trust her because I will never know whether she is asleep or studying (She has the amazing ability to move her arms and turn book pages when she’s asleep, thus mimicking the basic movements of study).  I will play a mind-bending guessing game with myself on a daily basis propelling me into a state of confusion.  And then I’ll poke her with my ruler, and if she is asleep, she’ll just topple over.  Later, realizing the convenient money-making opportunity, I will sell Tiffanie to a local museum (and if that doesn’t work, a Local Chuck E Cheese or something) and she will sit behind a plexiglass window with a sign that reads, “The amazing sleeping girl!  Is she asleep or is she studying?!”  And they’ll have to pay money to find out. 

Oh haha.  And then when her wushu friends come over, they’ll invade our room and sit on my bed, which is really a futon that can be converted into a chair.  And then when I snuggle into my bed to sleep, I’ll have essence of ass all over me.  When I realize this, I will have a well-timed tantrum when I see the wushu kids enter our room.  Mwa ha.

Yes, Loretta…that’s the plan…brilliant I say!

ANYWAY, Once we finished signing all of our housing contracts, I went home, packed up my backpack and went to class.  I took my math quiz (which I think I fucked up on) and then I went to my Mythology discussion and I got my MT back and I did great!  Life is awesome!  Well I need to go to Gabrielli’s apartment to do my ITP project so I’ll be back in a little while!

If you were to ask me who I thought was prettier, Tiffanie or me…I would definately say, Tiff—LORETTA!  LORETTA! 

“What if I gave you a quarter?  Does that sweeten the deal?”

On a spur of the moment type of thing, Brian, Jessie, and I ended up going to Tiff’s cool cool wushu class (again!) and I basically drooled all over the floor and almost wet my pants when I found this guy staring at me (us?) the whole time.  But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s go back…to the beginning…

In the beginning, the Earth was somehow created, and then many, many, MANY years passed by and then I was born, raised, and now I’m 18 and I hate the same world that was created those many years ago…it’s almost ironic, but not really. 

Ok, fast forwarding to yesterday, after my horrendous classes (including Al Sabea’s that just seemed to drag on and on) I met Tiff outside of Taper to go pay our rent and stuff.

Tiff broke our rent paying “mission” into three parts:  (1) get the money (2) change money into money order (3) pay money.  Sounds easy enough…but it wasn’t.

I went to the bank and withdrew $1565 from my checking and my savings (combined).  You must understand the fear that comes with the knowledge that you are walking through the ghetto with hundreds of dollars in cash in your backpack.  I told Tiff that if anyone tried to ambush me, she’d have to use her eagle claw skills (mummy style!) against them to subdue them.  Luckily we were not attacked at all on our way back from the bank to the post office, which, by the way, was a terribly long walk. 

At the post office, not only was it really warm in there, poor Tiff was forced to save spaces for 2 random strangers.  One was this old lady who didn’t return for a long, long time.  After a while we figured that old age had caught up to her and that she’d fallen into a lapse of senility and just forgot where she was and went home.  Either that or she died somewhere within the dangerous depths of the post office.  But she returned, to my surprise (a zombie perhaps?).  The other dude, I don’t really care about; he just went to go get an envelope or something.

We got the money order in this awesome opaque envelope which I kept and I plan on using somehow, someday, for something.  But anway…Tiff and I completed 2/3 of our dangerous journey and we only had 1/3 to go.  But that meant we had to trek back from the Post Office and go to City Park.  My feet where tired and for some reason, my slippers were so slippery!  I don’t think it was with sweat, at least I hope it wasn’t from sweat. 

When we get to City Park we are forced to wait AGAIN for like these 5 asian dudes who were signing their contracts.  A few minutes after we arrive, this cluster of chicks come along and Tiff and I immediately exchange shifty-eyed glances.  We both remembered the time when these two girls came in after us but just cut in front of us (anger level rising).  But these girls were nice and told the lady that we were here first.  Wow, what a nice gesture, looks like some people have class unlike others (ahem, LIKE THE WORKERS AT THE GLENDALE GALLERIA MACYS!). 

So we go in, give her the precious money, and leave.  It took like 10 minutes. 

And then we walked back to my apartment where we visited Jessie and we invited her to go to wushu with us (us meaning me, brian, tiff, and caleb).  She agreed and like 15 minutes later I was out the door and walking to Tiff’s apartment. 

Caleb (aka Staff Dude) came to pick us up and we all crushed into the car.  I sat in the back with Tiff and Brian where I must unhappily note that his staffs were back there too, and they totally were smashing my right boob.  So painful.

But we go to his apartment in China Town, and we watched a VCD with a really young Jet Li in it.  I watched these monks or something do wushu and it was awesome.  Soon after we left to go to the wushu class.

There were only 4 students there for the beginners class and I marveled at how hard the class was…”THIS is beginners?  You’ve got to be joking!”  An hour and a half later or so, the intermediate class started and the class shriveled down to 3 people.  A lot of time passed and I noticed this dude was standing in the doorway staring at the wushu people, and then staring at us.  I got a creepy rapist vibe from him.  And then some stuff happened and the next thing I know, Jessie and Brian had switched clothes…umm, yeah.  Apparently, I have great birthing hips!  But I don’t want babies…just dogs…packs and packs of dogs…GO MISHKA!  (dog rips apart innocent mail man)

An hour (and a box of Mac nut chocolates) later or something (I totally lost track of time) Jason (aka broadsword dude) came and he chatted with…us (ahem ahem ahem, bwar har).  And then we left and Jason was kind enough to take us home.  We went to Tapioca express where we all ordered something and then we sat down and talked.  The owner of TE was there and I met him once with my sister but when I said that I was her “sister” he thought I meant pledge sister.  He asks me, “so how many people are in your pledge class?”  And I was like, “WHAT?  Oh.  No, I’m her REAL sister, you know, by blood?”  And I couldn’t help laughing really hard about that.

And then we talked for a while about stuff, I don’t remember what, all I remember is that Jason and I are both Libras, Brian and Jessie both made paper cranes, and Tiffanie…was there.  That’s about it.

And then we went home.  I walked back to my apartment and I quickly ran back down with Tiff’s hastily wrapped present and a shittily printed note and gave it to Brian.  And then I slumped back up the stairs, rolled into the shower, and then oozed into bed. 

That’s about it.  Tiff and I were talking about having a big dinner to sort of celebrate the coming of Spring Break and have some sort of goodbye type thing, but I’m tired of shouldering the responsibility of planning these dinners all the time so I’m just not going to do it!  Mwa ha!

Me:  “You know, the McDonald’s something Parade!” 

Tiff:  (Shifty eyes) “Did you just say…McDonalds Parade?!”

**–**Lor**–**

Yeah, life stinks.  Brian and Tiff are at dim sum right now so I’m beginning to worry about whether or not we can go to glendale today because B has to go to dinner with his sister.  Alas…

I don’t really have anything to do so I’m probably just going to sit here and wait for one of them to call, and he/she will either say, “we’re here” or “I don’t think we can go today.”  Sadness!  Oh well…I guess life goes on…

Oh yeah, no Olive Garden today, which definately hurts me on the inside.  But I bow to the will of the people and when 2 of 3 are invited, and want to go, to dim sum, I will not stand in the way of their happiness.  Oooh.  Incubus is playing on my winamp so I’m just going to go bask in Brandon Boyd’s oh-so-beautiful voice (not to mention is wonderful looks)!

=–=lor=–=

Haha, just came back from the CASA Culture Show and I thought it was just great.  The guest speaker, the guy who created the Panda Express fast food chain, was a wacko and he made me hug and, express my undying love to, Brian.  I actually insulted Brian when I said, “I had to hug Brian!” but of course, in perfect Brian form, he said, “And I didn’t want to hug Loretta because she’s is a slut!”  A slut?  A SLUT?  Yeah, I am, and YOU KNOW you wanted to hug me.  B is my BITCH and Loretta is B’s sLut.  Yippee.  We’re pathetic. 

The sphincter in my ass makes my ass tight.  Squeeze…squeeze…ahhh….

Most of the culture show made me and Brian giggle.  I don’t exactly remember what it was, but some parts of it were just crazy.  A mountain crashed into the floor, singing is not a gift bestowed upon all, and when you run in socks, you are bound to fall…and trip over a chair…much to the amusement of the two Asians in the front row!  Mwa hahahahahaha.

The Lion Dance was one of the best parts of the whole show…so fun…I realize now that nothing makes me happier than a Lion Dance.  I’m still picking slimy lettuce out of my bag.  And the funniest thing was, one of the lions totally harassed Tiffanie.  It blinked its long eyelashes in Tiffanie’s face and suddenly I hear a loud, “gwaaa” and Tiff is clutching her eyes.  Poor blind Tiffanie.  I will send her a cute, delicious, bunny to ease her eye pain.

My absolute favorite part was the super duper cool WUSHU part.  I love Wushu and everyone associated with Wushu.  There was this “drunken form” thing that made every single person in the room smile.  The funny thing was, he was drinking out of a MARTINELLI’S bottle…the same one in Tiff’s apartment, perhaps?  Oh boy, I hope it isn’t…because if it is…he will become the next victim of the bottle’s SHIFTY EYES!  BEWARE! 

Tiffanie rocked the house.  Super girl!  Show them how it’s done!  GO FIST! 

I finally saw that rope thing that…twists and twirls and stuff.  Broadsword dude did that and spear.  It was awesome.  I was really afraid that it would choke him, but greater was my fear that he would somehow lose control and kill me.  After that, people will be saying, “She was such a promising student.  But she was cut down in her prime by a runaway twirly rope neck swinging thing.”  And Brian will be saying, “who will be my slut now that my #1 slut is dead???!!!”  So tragic, so very, very tragic.  But my fear did not stop me from screaming “YEAH WUSHU!  GO TIFFANIE!”  Yes, that was me, you gotta problem with that? 

Oh, I finally learned some names!

Broadsword dude:  “Jason” (has piercings)

Pant-leg up/Pant-leg down dude:  “Alfred” (got drunk off sparkling cider?  straight sword)

And I met a new guy:  Staff Dude.  I don’t remember his real name, but yeah, Staff Dude!

I hope Brian and I didn’t scare Pant-leg up/Pant-leg down dude and Broadsword dude when we sort of stared at them and stalked them…right Brian?  You damn Wushu stalker! 

We were invited to the CASA after party by a few people, but it was a cast/crew party and considering the fact that Brian and I did nothing for the show except see it, so…Brian and I went home instead.  When Brian and I are alone, tired, and have full bladders, we become weird (weirder then usual, that is).  And then we talk about naked statues of children lying under trees, how an inverted fountain can easily be transformed into a toilet, and the all-powerful sphincter.  Ass…so tight…

Well, it’s time for me to take a shower, and go watch some TV!

Oh yeah, house-warming party at Tiff and my future apartment next semester!  You’re all invited!  BYOB!  And no puking within the house!  Vomit rights are mine, and mine alone…so ashamed (vomit). 

**–**Loretta (proud to be Chinese) Wang**–**

As some of you know, Tiffanie and I like to eat small, fluffy, cute animals.  Bunnies, Puppies, and Kittens (and I kinda like baby birds, as long as they’re small and have cute little birdy feathers…like baby penguins!  **drool**).  But what Tiffanie and I have agreed upon is that they have to be consumable within one bite.  As Tiffanie put it, “You can’t just eat half a bunny.  Half a bunny isn’t cute.  You must be able to eat it in one bite for it to still be cute.”  So in Tiff’s and my little strawberry world,

CUTE = EDIBLE

This peach cylindrical house that is across the street of our future house is one of the many objects of Tiffanie’s affections, HOWEVER, even though IT IS CUTE, it is NOT EDIBLE.  Because it is impossible to eat a house within one bite, no matter how peachy or cylindrical it is.

One other thing, my roommate is so goddamn lazy.  Not the roommate that lives in my room with me, but one of the other girls that lives in the adjacent room.  She’s lying down on the couch watching TV (where, might I add, she has been fucking lying for the last 5 hours, seriously), and someone knocks on the door.  First of all, I don’t like opening doors b/c I am not friends with anyone in my building so people are never here to see me; second of all, SHE was closer to the door than I was.  So as this guy is ringing the doorbell, she makes absolutely no effort to move.  That makes me so mad.  Why is it that I am the only one who opens doors?  Even my roommate (that lives in the same room as me) doesn’t move when our doorbell is rung.  So goddamn lazy.

(anger level rising…ok Loretta, stay cool, stay cool…I am now centered…ANGER LEVEL STILL RISING!)

I can’t wait to go to Glendale and shop and eat at the Olive Garden.  And then we’ll go to Pet Love, or whatever, and eat bunnies.  We’ll probably also steal bunnies and stuff them into our shirts to serve as snacks for later.

Oh yeah, Brian and I are also going to go watch the culture show on tomorrow.  How exciting!  I get to watch the cool wushu kids, and apparently some chinese dance, lion dancing, and some theatre something.  Yay!

**–**Lor**–**

THAT MONOTONE DUDE FOLLOWED US AROUND UV AND 32nd MARKET!  IT SCARED THE PANTS OFF OF ME, NISSA, BRIAN, AND JASON….actually, my pants stayed on, but somehow…my bra popped off!  Wha?