The Greatest Love Story of All Time:

 

From the makers who brought you classics such as The Eye, they bring you not horror this time, but a love story that transcends time, and makes all other love stories look useless and stupid.  Join us, as we track this star-crossed couple throughout their journey of love together…….

 

 

 Upon first contact, instant attraction sparked the air.  They could not keep their eyes off each other.  Jermain Chavez, like a true gentleman, asked the genteel lady, Lor, for a night on the town.

 

 

He successfully wooed Lor with “yo mama” jokes, deep fried onion rings, and pickled eggs, earning her coy affection…she molested him violently that night.

 

 

You can see in his expression the attraction he felt towards bashful Lor.

 

 

 

On Valentine’s Day, he surprised her with a gift of chocolates, a gift that no man other than Jesus would’ve thought of to give a lady.  Their springtime fancy bloomed into true love.

 

 

Knowing he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, Jermain gathered the courage to ask for her hand in marriage.

 

 

 

The love of his life was shocked by the huge ice on that platinum band, and bashfully accepted, and ever-so ladylike, grabbed his crotch in the traditional gesture of ownership.

 

 

He was so in love with her at this moment, as can be seen by his passionate expression.

 

 

 

But their love life was not a smooth path–there were certainly many bumps in the road. Take the pre-wedding jitters they had; Jermain strongly wished to be the one to wear the veil, but Lor convinced him otherwise with her womanly wiles.

 

 

He faltered, and reluctantly relinquished the veil.

 

 

They call upon the most holiest of priests for this momentous occasion, Father Babbett of the House of Celestial Worshippers.  Father Babbett is trained to do weddings, funerals, birthday parties, family barbeques, ferret weddings, puppy funerals, fish flushings, and also caters on the side.  No checks; money up front only please.

 

 

The wedding was a joyous affair!  Friends from both sides came to celebrate the union between this modern Romeo-and-Juliet. 

 

 

Look how happy he was when the blushing bride officially became Lor Chavez.

 

 

 

Not too long after, Lor squeezed out a beautiful baby.  Soon after the birth, the exhausted, but joyful, mother brought the infant to the new papa.

 

 

He was bursting with pride, his eyes misting over.  He will make sure his child has everything he never had – a bike, a high school education, five dollars a month allowance, masculinity, and pants.

 

 

The soul-mates never left each other’s side, staying happily married for 90 years.  Though Lor had aged beautifully…

 

 

Jermain’s face however, showed the toll of time.  But his weathered face could not hide the love he had for his sexy woman.  They still did the nasty everyday.

 

 

Unfortunately, Lor Chavez was the first to go, and had a wonderful funeral celebrating her life.  Friends from all over the world came to pay their respects.

 

 

The grieving widower wanted to take his own life, but decided to live out his years annoying his offspring, knowing that one day, he will be reunited with his one and only.  But from that day forth, a noticeable sadness permeated his expression.

 

40 years later, he died when thought he was eating a delicious flower…that was really a knife.  He saw his love again, and together, they took over the land of the dead and they ruled with an alcohol-induced iron fist.

 

The End

 

Spring break has come to an end, which means no more delicious hermit-y-ness, no more tv, and a lot of work to do.  Blah, I say, BLAH.

Starting this week I’ve got marketing group meetings practically everyday between and after class (up until next Monday (29th) morning when we present) so I’m going to be real busy and tired.  I’ll think of Quincy to give me strength….(thinking)….(thinking)….(thinking)…nope, doesn’t work; damn you Quincy.  Alright, I’ll think of Merle’s triangular man-ta-tas to give me strength….(thinking)….(thinking)….(thinking)….*vomit*

Now that Tiff is back home, and we have the video camera and ample toilet paper, we can finally make that tv-show pilot we’ve been dreaming of all these months.  We’ll need skilled camera men to help us film our first story, which includes me and Tiff running down the street, somehow reappearing inside of the apartment, and…Tiff dies and turns into a carpet sample…ok, ok, FINE the carpet part I made up, but she does die…when she is KILLED BY THE STUFFED, yet sexy, LADY-KILLER PENGUIN, BABUSHKA.  Can we say, “brilliant?”…..

I smell….failure…I MEAN–I smell…failure.

Good luck on classes everyone, and to those who are still on break/just starting break have a good one…lucky bastards…

Transcript from the nationally broadcasted Loveline (note:  this was taken from an online newspaper article, so I’m pretty sure it’s accurate.  If you want to see the actual article go HERE)

Dr. Drew: I wonder if Hawai’i has weathermen.

Adam Carolla: I’m sure.

D: Cause it’s the same everyday, no matter what.

C: Maybe they don’t. Hawaiians are too dumb. They can’t figure out barometric pressure. They don’t know what that means.

D: They have wind some days.

C: Here’s the problem with weather in Hawai’i. There’s a bunch of big words.

D: Yeah.

C: And they can’t handle big words over there, because they’re the world’s dumbest people.

D: Well, they can’t (sic) handle big words, but they must have three letters.

C: Yeah, they handle big words, but it’s got to be the name of a fat chick or some drink. They don’t do science. Close your eyes and picture all the great Hawaiian scientists over the years. (Laughs) They’re retarded people. They stay on the island. They’re in-bred, obviously. They’re the dumbest people we have.

D: I have met some smart South Pacific people. Not who lived there.

C: People are smart enough to move. Everyone close your eyes and think of all the amazing contributions the Hawaiian scientific community has made over the years. (Long pause) Uh … They’re stupid people.

D: All right. Let’s hear from them. Let’s hear what they have to say. It’d be interesting to hear what they have to say.

C: What, the Hawaiians? First off, they don’t know how to dial the phone. They can’t call. They don’t know what they’re doing. They have big calves. That’s all. They’re stupid people. We really should start bringing some of them in ’cause they’re strong. They’re a strong, sturdy breed.

Alright, as someone who is from Hawaii, I don’t know whether I should laugh or be offended.  Yeah, I understand that it’s mean (especially those inbred/retarded comments…what’s up with that?), but at the same time, you gotta admit that it’s also kind of funny.  I’ve listened to Loveline before (sadly) and they’ve poked fun at everyone.  Why is it that Adam Carolla can have “The Man Show” which has girls in skimpy little outfits, jumping around on trampolines and stripper poles, not to mention all the times those Loveline guys have dissed other races of people as well as jocks, truckers, cheerleaders, and celebrities, yet I don’t get any chain letters or emails from outraged people trying to defend the truckers and strippers?  But apparently, when they diss locals and Hawaiians, OMG they’ve gone too far…come on guys…let’s be fair.  Just yesterday I heard a million Irish jokes, and no one emailed me wanted to protect Irish rights.  Unless people are willing to be morally offended by every and all un-PC or anti-people comments, they really should not complain.  I’m Chinese, and I am portrayed as either the nerd, the drycleaner, or the owner of some out-of-the-way asian supermarket.  And thats fine, because come on, life is funny.  *Sorry if any of my comments offend any of those who read this.

I believe this will be my most basic post ever, but only if we’re not including like my first 20 posts which were so basic, they were just CRAP.  But yeah.  What does a girl do over spring break when everyone leaves?  Oh, I’ll tell you what she does, she returns to her old hermit-y ways, save the occasional male caller…and by that I mean the mailman.  HahahahKILLMENOW.

But not having any real human contact isn’t so bad (*cries silently*).  AIM kind of counts I guess, and Jason and I managed to have a one-way microphone AIM conversation (I don’t have a mic so he just talked and talked and talked, while I furiously typed).  But the ultimate is being able to putter around your room in your underwear!  It’s just so comfy. 

Oh, who needs human beings when you have Scottie (Kellie’s widdle wabbit who just looks sooooo delicio—I MEAN—err……….YUMMMMMM…)

AWWWWWWWWWWWW!  Look at the pudgy little face!!!!  Lucky Kellie, eh?

Oh yeah.  I acquired the new Incubus album like….a month ago or something, but let it sit on my desk for the LONGEST time b/c always get really lazy when it comes to listening to new albums.  Anyway, I opened it last week and even though they’ve done much better, it has definitely rekindled my love for a certain band member who is pretty much my ideal mate in every way, and sadly, I’m being completely serious.

He’s the one on the left…OMG…so hot.  Come on, he seriously is.  I LOVE YOU!

Sorry everyone, Loretta’s kind of angry and needs to post something to show just how pissed off she is about a certain IT that thinks IT can insult her without her noticing.  Well guess what?  I noticed, and do it one more time and you’ll pay.  I’m not an idiot.  Don’t you dare try to be snide with me, my silly ex-friend, because you’ll soon learn that no one disrespects me without a little visitation from some of my friends.  Come by me again and you’ll feel my wrath you whiney little child.  Do you think I’m bluffing?  Test me, please.  I’m itching for a fight and your pride is my prize.  Little ex-darling, you’ll see that you have no more rights here; you’re not welcome; seeing your face makes me want to vomit with the thought that I wasted my time with a piece of filth like you…my little IT.  What makes you think you can come HERE little IT?  What gives you the right to bother ME little IT?  Who do you think you are little IT?  Do you think you’re better than me my little IT?  Please say you do, because I need a good laugh!  You are no prize to be hounded for; my turned back should be proof of that.  You say I’m the criminal, the one at fault, why don’t you go to your so-called “friends” and read them this letter?   Feel free to make them hate me as you beg for more pity.  Go ahead, I’m immune to your grade school antics and your childish schemes.  You are not what you think you are.  I know that, but you obviously don’t, you poor, pathetic child.  You are a drama queen and a fraud.  You lack style; you lack finesse; you are nothing.  I’m sure you think I’m just dying without you, and your dry, pointless “humor,” and your ”friendship,” for what little it is worth, but oh, silly you, my little fool, I’ve already replaced you!  And I have no intention of leaving him…unlike I left you.  I hate everything about you, you silly insignificant IT.  STAY AWAY FROM ME.  Have a nice day, IT. 

**phew!* I feel better!  Sorry so angry guys, but some people just make me so…grrrrr….(Lor mean!  BAD LOR!)  I’ll post something nicer in a few days b/c your House-Cleaning Manager and I have some TRI-UP matters to discuss!  (^_^)*

OMG this week is going to suck dirty hobo booty.  Even though I’m relieved that my group and I finished that stupid accounting project over the weekend, I still have the prospect of an accounting midterm and an EALC essay due next Tuesday, and my ARTL essay due the Wednesday after that.  Hip-hip hooray.  The thought of the amount of brain activity I will need to get through the next week-and-a-half makes me want to…………pee.  The burning, slightly bleeding kind of pee, not the enjoyable sigh of relief “aaaaah” pee that you get only after you’ve been holding it in for 20 minutes or more. 

For those of you who don’t know, next year I will be living with my pal since freshman year (from BUAD304: the class that started it all) Jason G. as well as my current apartment-mate Char (YAY!).  I’m positive this living situation is going to work perfectly between me and Jason (Char and I are already time-tested good apartment-mates) b/c he and I don’t care enough about each other to actually be social.  I imagine he equates my presence with the feeling of a wet-fart in his pants, and I equate his presence with the image of a white boy named Jason stealing my money.

Alright I have to start my ARTL essay now.  But before I do that, I must add some sort of picture (no matter how random) to my Xanga b/c I actually paid money for premium…it’s my desperate attempt to justify spending $15 for something pretty damn pointless. 

It’s my bear peeking out of my purse.  I think it’s pretty cute…and I’m sure you do too, b/c if you don’t I’ll chop you up!  *choppa choppa choppa*