Ugh it’s so damn humid in Hawaii…tempuratures that would otherwise be categorized as “normal” or even “pleasant” become unbearable when you throw in a little something called “69 percent humidity.”  Damn you–you–person who dictates the weather!  I’ll get you yet. 

Besides the humidity, another difficult transition I have to make when coming back from LA is Hawaii’s bug problem.  Actually, I won’t even call it “Hawaii’s” bug problem, more like “Loretta’s house’s” bug problem.  Last year it was roaches, the year before that was mosquitos, but this year, I have the honor of welcoming my home’s latest guest:  the ant.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate all bugs, just the certain few that happen to fall on what I like to call The Axis of Evil.  In this Axis of Evil we have roaches, mosquitos, ticks, worms, and North Korea.

I have resorted to many different things in order to get rid of these little biting food stealers known as ants.  Last winter I tried brute force by attempting to blast their nest out with a spray of water from a hose…the result:  oh I sprayed those ants alright…right into my koi pond.  Haha….I hate those ants…. 

Now I’m no Dale Gribble, but I do know a little something about bugs, namely that I want them dead.  So this summer I’m trying something a little different.  It’s called irony.  To illustrate this new method that will change the face of bug extermination as we know it, let me tell you a story.  Yesterday, I caught an ant trying to steal a rather large crumb of bread from my kitchen countertop so…..I took a piece of bread, and smashed the little bastard with it.  Now that’s irony.  This morning, I killed two ants with a chocolate bar.  Now that’s irony.  Yesterday, an ant bit me on the arm…so I put the ant in my mouth and chewed it up real good.  Now that’s…just disgusting.  Don’t do that.  Here’s a picture of me and the ants engaged in hand-to-hand combat.

The beauty of killing with irony is that not only do you get the job done, you really show those ants that “irony” does not mean “like an iron,” it means, “haha, you’re dead now.”