June 9, 2003
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BEWARE THE UNTOLD TRUTH
Birth – 2nd grade: People don’t really care how you look because in their eyes, you’re just a baby and pretty much can do no wrong. Hey, you got mud on your shirt? Who cares, YOU’RE JUST A BABY and babies play in the mud all the time. Including, “diaper mud”. If you are a firstborn, your life will be carefully chronicled with many, many, MANY, pictures. If you are the second child, you will have less than the first. If you are the third child, you will have less than the second, etc. etc. etc. This phenomenon can be attributed to the old adage, “If you’ve seen one baby, you’ve seen them all.” Pathetic.
3th grade – 6th grade: You start caring about how you look. Embarrassment sets in during the 5th-6th grade about holding your parents hands. If kids have a problem with ANYTHING about you, they just tease you about it right to your face. You go to the bathroom and your male classmate walks in on you, and instead of feeling embarrassed he opts instead to tease you about seeing you pee (Note: Really happened to me in 3rd grade).
7th grade – your early 40s: Yes, people do grow up. And as they mature, their childhood antics cease, and instead of telling you everything that’s wrong with you, they opt instead to just talk behind your back. And this, in my opinion, is a MARVELOUS progression. You no longer have to face your problems head-on. You can go through life feeling decently confident about yourself b/c you have no idea what people are saying behind your back. And you can go on like this for many-a-year!!! Many-a-year, my friends, MANY-A-YEAR.
Mid/late 40s – death: You have a lapdog named “Cracker,” and you smell a little too much like cabbage, or some other vegetable. Every morning, you water your orchids, and refill the birdseed in the feeder. Your neighbors ask you to baby-sit their kids, and you give the little ones peppermint twists and strawberry gels in exchange for a promise to be good (but they still steal money from your purse/wallet). MTV is still the favorite channel for all the teens, however, you find the channel’s change into an all Reality TV channel as an action “lacking moral fiber.” Your prefer to watch TV Land for the Will and Grace, Seinfeld, and The Simpsons reruns. You fall asleep while listening to the “oldies” of
Comments (5)
Ahhh it’s so painful to hear the truth…. although in accordance to your photo-thesis, my parents told me that they didn’t take a lot of pictures of me because all babies look alike, but that i was an ugly baby.
Oh, and the mid/late 40s – death? that’s OUR lifestyle! YOU KNOW, our spinster/hermity/eatthechildrentomaintainouryouth lifestyle?! Others usually have a spouse to abuse and use as an ottoman.
Such deep thoughts, dear strawberry. Is the tropical island infusing MORE bitterness in you? Sweet lord, we have to get you to a polluted metropolitan area QUICKLY!!!!!!
LIES! LIES I SAY! hehe geez… its sounds rather extreme! Golly how do u come up with these ideas… i think u have been in door way too long! Any how did u recieve the email? Ttyl
I have also been walked in on while in the bathroom. This must be a trademark for Our Redeemer.
I am bored and lonely, and feel like eating Big Macs all day long. I think it will do us some good to go to Ala Moana everyday for about a month…if not to attempt to buy something, then at least for the exercise regiment.
what happened to the children?!? and the JELLYFISH babies!?!?!? waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? life is nothing without those, come on…admit it, you know its the truth!
and it was nice chattin w/ ya today
heh, daniel wants to see your reaction if we were to happen to drop in on you in hawaii and be like, “hi lor, take us somewhere”
we could just imagine your reaction of
a) slamming the door in our face
b) saying “i cant take you anywhere cuz i cant drive, then slamming the door in our face
c) saying “i cant take you anywhere cuz i dunno how to get anywhere” and then slamming the door in our face
after that, we decided it probably was not so good idea…SAVE ME FROM DANIEL hehehe
interesting entry. i want to say “i hope it won’t be like that.” but i know it’s probably gonna be like that. that sucks. you should’ve come last night just to get out and see the rest of us look like asses. see you soon. bye.