Many of you Cali people have threatened me by saying that you will come here unexpectedly, and I will have to find things for you to do, and somehow find you transportation (“here’s a dollar, take the bus”), something that I believe is just impossible for me to do b/c I don’t know anything about the state I was born and raised in (nervous laughter). 

But thankfully, you guys will probably not come, thus saving me from embarrassment, stress, and any movement in general.  But I will still enrich you guys with some pictures from my home.  Yes, MY ACTUAL HOME.  Take a good look b/c you probably will never see it in real life.  Seriously.

My god, I’m so bored.  All I do is watch TV all day long…not that I’m complaining!  TV has always been my truest friend. 

I saw on the news a few days back that Martha Stewart is in lots of trouble.  I hope she pulls through it, because without her, my life will be oh-so empty. 

Seriously…just empty…(tear)

One show that I think is the absolute greatest is VH1s I Love The 80s.  I have the worst memory in the world, so even though I WAS alive in the 80s, I know nothing about it.  So its fun learning about the pop culture trends of the year I was born.  I can’t help but feel comforted when I see Alice Cooper say that his guest appearance on the Muppet Show was “the best time he’d ever had doing anything”…I almost feel like the world isn’t so bad after all…

Hands down, the best thing on TV is the Food Network.  The Food Network is the God of all channels.  I literally worship all of the chefs on the Food Network b/c they are just soooooo great (I have a shrine hidden in my closet where I burn cilantro and sacrifice broccoli florets…they come to me at night and tell me their commandments!  Huh?  What did you say Sarah Moulton?  I have to kill my neighbors?)!  Without a doubt, IRON CHEF HIROYUKI SAKAI is my absolute favorite chef.  He was recently named the King of Iron Chefs b/c he beat out the other Iron Chefs in an ultimate battle of culinary skill.  Question:  Where is Iron Chef Italian?  He’s in the opening credits, but HE NEVER FIGHTS A BATTLE!!!  Perhaps his absence can be attributed to his terrible outfit?  So many mysteries…

Today (Friday the 13^th  *X-Files theme plays in the background*) was my Dad’s Birthday…woohoo…my Daddy is officially 54!  I baked him a cake that looked…just terrible.  My dog could bake a better cake!  When I saw how it turned out, I was so disappointed that I actually started crying.  I guess I’m turning into Martha Stewart…I strive for absolute perfection. 

We went to Todai for dinner, and ate, and ate, and ate.  My sister paid for dinner; I paid for the presents.  We had a really good time today (with the only exception being the cruel cake incident).  I’ll try to update again later today…

BEWARE THE UNTOLD TRUTH

Birth – 2^nd grade:  People don’t really care how you look because in their eyes, you’re just a baby and pretty much can do no wrong.  Hey, you got mud on your shirt?  Who cares, YOU’RE JUST A BABY and babies play in the mud all the time.  Including, “diaper mud”.  If you are a firstborn, your life will be carefully chronicled with many, many, MANY, pictures.  If you are the second child, you will have less than the first.  If you are the third child, you will have less than the second, etc. etc. etc.  This phenomenon can be attributed to the old adage, “If you’ve seen one baby, you’ve seen them all.”  Pathetic. 

3^th grade – 6^th grade:  You start caring about how you look.  Embarrassment sets in during the 5^th-6^th grade about holding your parents hands.  If kids have a problem with ANYTHING about you, they just tease you about it right to your face.  You go to the bathroom and your male classmate walks in on you, and instead of feeling embarrassed he opts instead to tease you about seeing you pee (Note:  Really happened to me in 3^rd grade). 

7^th grade – your early 40s:  Yes, people do grow up.  And as they mature, their childhood antics cease, and instead of telling you everything that’s wrong with you, they opt instead to just talk behind your back.  And this, in my opinion, is a MARVELOUS progression.  You no longer have to face your problems head-on.  You can go through life feeling decently confident about yourself b/c you have no idea what people are saying behind your back.  And you can go on like this for many-a-year!!!  Many-a-year, my friends, MANY-A-YEAR.

Mid/late 40s – death:  You have a lapdog named “Cracker," and you smell a little too much like cabbage, or some other vegetable.  Every morning, you water your orchids, and refill the birdseed in the feeder.  Your neighbors ask you to baby-sit their kids, and you give the little ones peppermint twists and strawberry gels in exchange for a promise to be good (but they still steal money from your purse/wallet).  MTV is still the favorite channel for all the teens, however, you find the channel's change into an all Reality TV channel as an action "lacking moral fiber."  Your prefer to watch TV Land for the Will and Grace, Seinfeld, and The Simpsons reruns.  You fall asleep while listening to the “oldies” of Linkin Park and Jimmy Eat World.  Ahh...the good ol' days!

I just finished reading the last installment of LOTR:  The Return of the King.  And it rocked.  Really, it did.  A lot of twists…REALLY can’t wait for the movie now!  It took me 1 DAY to finish it!  Which is something I’m super-proud of…actually…if I can finish a 350-page book in a day, doesn’t that make me…pathetically lonely?  Does it?…(sob sob, *snort my own snot*, *lip shiver*, sob)

Did you guys know that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Book V) will be 896 pages long?  896!!!  Hours upon HOURS of enjoyment!  Yessss!!!  The moment I get that book is the moment I stop sleeping…until I finish that bad-boy that is.   

I finally finished reading The Fellowship of the Ring which has been my faithful airport-only read since Christmas.  And now I’m working on The Two Towers, which is an awesome book, much richer than the movie, even though nothing really beats seeing the action.  So the moral of the story is:  If you liked the movie, you’ll like the book (and I say that will full knowledge that just about everyone has read the books except me). 

I’ve been feeling so useless lately.  I do absolutely nothing…nothin’ for nobody.  I wish I had a passion…something interesting and unique.  But I don’t.  A few days ago, I asked myself, ‘what am I good at?’ and I couldn’t really think of anything…I’m sorta good at going to school, I guess, but that’s not a talent.  “What are you good at?”  (pause)  “School.”  Not cool my friends, just not cool. 

So now I’m trying to think of stuff to do to pass the time.  I play Mahjong a lot now, whether it be with friends, online, or in my mind…I mean…(shifty eyes)…no, not in my mind!!!…I DON’T mentally play elaborate Mahjong games against imaginary players in a tournament setting!  Where did you ever get that silly thought???  Ha, I never said that!  You’re just a crazy liar.  Go commit yourself, stupid.  The loony bin is where you belong because you CRAZY! 

In his last entry Daniel wrote this:  “So is it wrong to be self-interested? This might sound redundant to my earlier entries, but aren't we taught sharing is caring. WE aren't taught to be self-interested, but we are... I guess its something innate.”

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being selfish b/c if we aren't at least a little selfish we won’t take proper care of ourselves, b/c we'll be too busy caring about others.  We will CARE so much about others that we'll SHARE all of our belongings with them.  And then we'll have nothing.  We'll be malnourished hobos with bad hygiene.  In conclusion:  Sharing may be love/caring, but sharing also is the root of all evil. 

Alright, here is the list of all the shows being cancelled on many of our favorite mainstay TV stations…I marked the shows that I wanted gone with a smiley face (J), and shows that I didn’t want gone with an unhappy face (L). 

ABC
"All-American Girl,J" "Are You Hot? J ," "Dinotopia, J" "Lost at Home, J" "MDs, J" "Miracles, J" "Push, Nevada, J" "Regular Joe,J" "That Was Then, J" "Whose Line Is It Anyway? L" and "Veritas: The Quest J"

CBS
"The Agency, J" "Bram and Alice, J" "My Big Fat Greek Life, J" "Presidio Med, J" "Queens Supreme, J" "Robbery Homicide Division J" and "Touched by an Angel J" 

FOX
"30 Seconds to Fame, J" "Andy Richter Controls the Universe, J" "Fastlane, J" "Firefly, J" "Futurama, L" "girls club, J" "John Doe, J" "Married by America, J" "Meet the Marks, J" "Mr. Personality J" and "The Pitts J"

NBC
"A.U.S.A. J" "Hidden Hills, J" "In-Laws, J" "Kingpin, J" "Just Shoot Me, L" "Mister Sterling, J" "Providence J" and "Watching Ellie L" (ßdidn’t like the show but I think “Elaine” is the GREATEST!)

UPN
"Abby, J" "Buffy the Vampire Slayer, J" "Haunted, J" "Platinum J" and "The Twilight Zone J"

WB (I actually hate everything on the WB so GOOD FOR THEM)
"Birds of Prey, J" "Black Sash, J" "Dawson's Creek, J" "Do Over, J" "Family Affair, J" "Greetings from Tucson, J" "Off Centre J" and "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch J"

I was flipping through the channels yesterday and when I paused on VH1 I saw Steven Tyler…

On second glance, it wasn’t Steven Tyler at all, but Whitney Houston.  Is there something wrong with me?  Or is it them?  Yes, it’s got to be them, I mean, I’m SO SANE that your head is about to explode.  Is the sheer magnitude of my sanity just too much for you to bear?  Yes, I believe it is. 

MSN today has a listing of the best high schools in the nation.  San Marino High (ranked #151) and Arcadia High (ranked #221) were both listed.  HOWEVER (!), Kaiser High was not listed, nor was any other Hawaii school. 

This list (which can be found at http://www.msnbc.com/news/912995.asp) was determined by the “Challenge Index” ratio, which is the number of AP (Advanced Placement) and IB (International Baccalaureate) tests taken by the entire student body, divided by the number of graduating seniors.  Schools that actually made an effort to keep stupid, (oops!) I mean “average,” students out (e.g. Punahou, Iolani, etc) were not included on this list.

Yes, the standards of education in Hawaii are poor to say the least.  And even though my high school, Kaiser High, home of the Cougars, is considered to be one Hawaii’s better (or maybe the best) public high school, it was not listed at all on this list of 737 schools (actually more b/c there were ties).

What does this mean? 

Not too much of anything, really. 

I realized a long time ago that what high school you’re going to doesn’t really matter that much in the grand scheme of things.  Sure, Punahou and Iolani churn out the majority of Ivy League entrants from Hawaii, but at the same time, a lot more of those private school kids end up going to USC…Just like me…

The only difference is that I saved THOU$AND$ of dollars by going to a public school and hahahaha, we both ended up in the same place.  And Kaiser can boast having VALLENT who is currently going to Harvard.  And according to Milton Bradley’s game of LIFE (which we played yesterday), he will become an accountant, cure the common cold, and have 2 children who are both notably boys b/c he’s sexist like no other (just joking, if you’re reading this).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!

Conan O’Brian:  THE YEAR 2000 SKIT

The year 2000…In the year 2000, robots will be developed to do our dull, repetitive tasks, like doing the dishes and marrying J.Lo.

The year 2000…In the year 2000, carrots may no longer improve eyesight, but it is STILL #1 for scratching deep, rectal itch.

I am DYING of boredom here.  SAVE ME!

You’d think living on an island paradise would be great…and it is…but those good island feelings only last for about…1 week.  I hit that point yesterday.  I wish it would rain like in California…pouring for days at a time…it would be a nice, gloomy change.  But I do like the laid-backedness of Hawaii, and everyone here is usually very polite, which makes me feel all warm and vomit-y inside.  Oh, and one of the best parts?  Not as many homeless people, and if there are any, they aren’t as creepy as this one bum that sat at the walkway near Century at USC…

Hobo:  Heeeyyy…can I have a hug?

Me:  NO!

Hobo:  Oh…well, can I have a dollar?

Me:  NO!

(shudder)  He was there everyday… “Hey, you got some change?”  “Can I have some change?”  “Spare some change?”  NO!  NO!  NO!  NOOOOO!  I won’t give you my change because some GIRL I KNOW takes it right out of my hand the moment I get it…(cough) TIFFANIE (cough cough). 

I got a digital camera the other day, so I will buy myself some Xanga premium later to help document my sad, sad life.  Oh, I will also be making a cameo on the DoNotDate Xanga sometime soon so LOOK OUT GUYS!  Your nightmare has arrived…(eerie red glow in the room, stroking a cat on my arm, evil laughter).  I'll keep you updated for when that actually happens...

I miss all of you guys (sob sob)!  But I do have to look forward to the new apartment and the housewarming party…I mean…partAY…oh wait, no, it’s really party.  Tiffanie and I will be having our housewarming party sometime after we get settled.  Tiff will be cooking and I will be…cleaning.  I can’t cook, ok?  LAY OFF!  But there will be a lot of great food (including A LOT of ice cream if I have my way), music, friends, and we’ll just have a nice time, ok?  You’re all invited!!!  Yippee! 

I had another dream last night…

I’m somehow back at school, but it’s either not USC or a very different looking USC (blue tile everywhere…even on the stairs!).  Its finals week, but I’m already done with my four finals.  But of course…my dreams always have some stupid twist in them…I realize that I actually have a FIFTH class, and I have a final for it the next day.  Oh no!  I’m screwed!  HOW COULD I FORGET THAT I HAD ANOTHER CLASS?!  HOOOOOOOOOWWW?!?!  I can actually remember feeling frightened that I wasn’t going to get a 4.0 (as if I’m actually getting one right?).  But that was not the weirdest part…my fifth class turns out to be the study of…

GUMMY BEARS

I was taking a class all about the noble gummy bear.  I even remember I had a textbook about the subject.  Seriously folks, what’s wrong with me?  In my dream, I was a wreck.  I was studying like crazy, and I was confused, and I was so scared that I’d flunk the freakin’ STUDY OF GUMMY BEARS!  I figure the only way you can flunk that class is to just not know what a gummy bear is…or maybe not like gummy bears b/c then you’re just stupid for registering for the class in the first place.

Why I like home reason #1:  I can take a nap whenever I want, in my room, all alone, and I DON’T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!

I took a 3 hour nap today (smile smile), but I had this super weird dream…

I get stranded somewhere, I don’t remember how or where, but I know I’m stranded, and I see this pretty black car approach, I think it was a Porsche but I don’t know.  I hop inside it (Hey!  Look at me!  I’m a rapist’s dream!), and guess whose driving the car…JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.  His incorporation was probably a result of all of the MTV commercials that I’ve seen that are gushing over how he’s co-hosting the VMAs.  Anyway…So I’m in the car with him, and he’s talking on his cell phone.  And as a testament to how dangerous it is to drive with a cell phone, the car veers sharply to the right and we almost hit a wall.  I scream, but try to stifle it.  I guess he noticed how scared I was b/c he pulls over his car and continues talking on his cell.  So I’m sitting there in the passenger seat, still a little shaken, and actually, I’m a little shocked to see who I’m sitting next to.  And then I smell this really alcohol-y smell coming from him.  Great.  He was also drunk.  But the worst was yet to come.  He starts vomiting into a bag, and I’m thinking, OH DEAR LORD WHAT DO I DO NOW?  All I can do is pat him on the back.  Luckily, since he shaved his head, I didn’t have to hold back his hair for him.

That was part one of the dream.  I can’t remember as much of part two but here goes…

I’m a part of the Final Fantasy VII game, but there are none of the usual characters there.  This other girl and I are in this bluish-black, craggy, cave thing, and we’re trying to collect materia.  But this wasn’t any old materia, this was all of the SUMMON materia.  Bahamut, Shiva, Odin, the works.  But to get it, we had to play this Pacman-like game.  So the girl goes down (and I’m controlling her like it’s the real thing) and she collects all the materia.  We show it to this guy who’s running the cave and he tells me that actually, 5 of the 12 we ended up getting were useless.

And then I wake up.