I’m kind of going through a crazy time right now with school, friends, and stuff like that, so I figured I’d take a moment to reflect on something that actually makes me happy, namely…

 MY DANCHA-SHMOOPY-WU-WU!

(Squeaky-clean Dancha!  EEEEE!!!!)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW…I love my baby Dancha!  He’s the love of my life!  

My mood:  relieved.  I had the most evil ARTL midterm yesterday where we had 1 hour and some minutes to write about the couples in the Odyssey and the Iliad and OMG, I somehow managed to fit in a metaphor about a treebranch and another about a hotdog…yeah, that’s going to win me an A for sure.  Oh well.  Life goes on I guess.  I’m slowly losing the drive to get As in all my classes…right now I just want to stay above a 3.5 and only get As in my BUAD and ACCT classes.  Screw GEs, what have they done for me lately except send me to the magical world of ancient greece, into the exciting and breath-taking depths of the oceans, and enrich my life with east asian culture?  COMPLETELY USELESS!  NOW LOR ANGRY!

As for what has been going on lately, hmm…not much really.  I just feel really good about where I am in life, and who I’m surrounded by.  And this especially goes for my best-est BEST friend Tiff.  This past month especially, I’ve felt so much closer to her and even though we tragically won’t be living together next year (why damnit, WHY?!!!), I will always remember the countless days we’ve not said a word to each other, other than “hey, I’m gonna take a shower, you need the bathroom?” and the countless other days where we’ve talked for hours about Law and Order Sport Utility Vehicle, how everything I thought I lost was actually eaten by Tiff, and more recently, our serious lives outside of the incessant screaming and incoherent babbling that we supposedly do in the presence of others.  Yes, I guess I have finally accepted the title of her heterosexual life-partner, but in exchange, Tiff needs to accept this title:  NOT LORETTA’S LOVER.  Ha HA!  (<— Inside joke alert —>)  No more *tap tap tap* and then…paradise.  Nyah hah haaaa!

Awww, all of a sudden I got all misty and nostalgic about The Crew.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Daniel’s xanga entry about how The Crew hasn’t hung out together for real in such a long time.  Man, I miss the days of midnight movies on opening nights, Bucca di Beppo days, LOTR Risk until 4 am, Revolution Cafe, intellectual talks that become scream fights then laughter, birthday ice cream cake fireballs, sharing is love and love is caring, and strawberries!  OMG, we gotta hang out, and I mean SOON.  I need the secret formula! 

Daniel + Brian + Tiff + Lor = Lorlam Briel =

happycrazyanticsthatmakemelaughmorethananythingintheworld.

(^.^) *kiss*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN!

Wishing you a really great 20th…you’re officially a rickety old man!!!

As you all know, yesterday was Valentines Day/Single’s Awareness Day so of course as a single person I forced myself upon as many people as possible to avoid being alone (there was a lot of leg clinging and drugging involved).  HAHA, poor everyone…please don’t call the police. 

The day started with a pseudo-birthday/v-day lunch with Jon and Spencer.  Afterwards, I hung at their apartment for a while, and stupid me, didn’t call Brian so I missed shopping with him (I’m sorry!  Monday, eh?)!  Right after that was Eddie’s Valentines Day party which was a much-needed dose of City Park 2 antics.  And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for:  thank you’s and pics from the fateful day Loretta, amazingly, was not a hermit. 

Thanks to Eddie and Spencer for the beautiful flowers, which I’m desperately applying all of my Martha Stewart skills to so I don’t kill them.

Thanks to Jon for the amazing portrait of yours truly!

Next are pics from the Valentines Day party that Eddie threw (supposedly for me).  Dave made heart-shaped sushi!  And OMG we’re such a classy group of kids.  Kevin brought a bottle of wine to the party and people were going to drink out of mugs and other random-ass cups that were lying around, but Eddie classed-up the whole affair by busting out some actual wine glasses (how many college students have that?!!!).  HAHA we’re so lame–I MEAN COOL!  We’re so cool (shifty eyes).  (Btw, for those who are curious, no, I didn’t drink yesterday.  I’m still an alcohol virgin!)

Jon, trying to molest me with an umbrella…or am I molesting the umbrella?

The guys watching Blade (quotes from them “KILL THAT BITCH!” and ”BITE THAT BITCH!” and “Jorge!  Make the commercials go away!”)

HAHA look at their expressions!

Eddie’s descriptions of this pic:  “Kevin’s orgy of pillows” and “Kevin tries to hide his boner with pillows.”

Me putting bunny-ears on Jon but missing terribly!

Some random pics from the past:

City Park had a fire alarm recently which stranded some of the students outside, including Eddie, Jorge, and Jon who fled to our apartment.  Here’s one of the two fire trucks that were sent to the building.

Fire alarm party!  More like, GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!  Just kidding.

Mmmm…delish…this is a tragic pot-pie that Jon made.  I wasn’t even there when this happened but I had to post the picture b/c it looks so messed up. 

Ahh, what a good day that was!  Yay for single’s-awareness day!

This is a conversation Tiff and I had almost one year ago, April 05, 2003 to be exact.  It’s a disturbing and very candid look into the lives and minds of two of the greatest, and most misunderstood geniuses of our time.

Lor (2:32:19 PM): my apartment has MANY closets

Lor (2:32:22 PM): you wouldn’t believe

Tiff (2:32:40 PM): hahhaha

Tiff (2:32:46 PM): that sounds almost…creepy

Lor (2:33:30 PM): for instance…

Lor (2:33:34 PM): one closet…

Lor (2:33:38 PM): holds coats and BOXES

Lor (2:33:40 PM): that’s right…BOXES

Tiff (2:33:44 PM): OOOOOOH SHIT

Tiff (2:33:45 PM): OMG

Tiff (2:33:46 PM): O

Tiff (2:33:47 PM): M

Tiff (2:33:47 PM): G

Tiff (2:33:53 PM): FREAKIN BOXES

Tiff (2:33:56 PM): YOU FIEND!

Tiff (2:33:59 PM): i LIKE it

Tiff (2:34:01 PM): hahahahahaha

Lor (2:34:10 PM): hahahahaha

Lor (2:34:11 PM): yes

Lor (2:34:13 PM): but the coats…

Lor (2:34:20 PM): they don’t incite any reaction?

Lor (2:34:21 PM): why?

Lor (2:34:36 PM): people are usually screaming and pulling their hair out in fear when i mention THE coats

Tiff (2:34:47 PM): THe coats i see everydaY! i mean,we’re friends! but boxes….SUCH FORBIDDEN-nESS

Tiff (2:34:54 PM): coats and me are like THIS

Tiff (2:35:02 PM): but boxes..

Tiff (2:35:05 PM): DUH DUH DUH

Tiff (2:35:11 PM): that’s just freaky

Lor (2:35:12 PM): exactly

Lor (2:35:16 PM): i keep them locked up

Tiff (2:35:23 PM): hahah they’re chained to the floor

Lor (2:35:23 PM): so they don’t get out and cause some sort of riot

Lor (2:35:28 PM): you know…

Lor (2:35:29 PM): box riot

Tiff (2:35:35 PM): hahahaha!!!

Lor (2:35:38 PM): those are dangerous

Tiff (2:35:39 PM): millions could be affected

Tiff (2:35:45 PM): by their boxiness

Lor (2:35:54 PM): thousands will die due to their boxiness

Tiff (2:36:02 PM): hahahhaahhahahha

Lor (2:36:06 PM): it will close a chapter in boxes forever

Tiff (2:36:20 PM): hahahahaha their boxiness…..WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!!

Lor (2:36:31 PM): i don’t know

Lor (2:36:39 PM): i think it means the same thing as CRABSTERBATION

Tiff (2:36:47 PM): hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Tiff (2:37:00 PM): i was thinking….boxiness has something to do with…corners…

Tiff (2:37:01 PM): but…

Tiff (2:37:04 PM): apparently not…

Lor (2:37:23 PM): it might have something to do with corners…

Tiff (2:37:33 PM): hmmmmmmmmm

Lor (2:37:35 PM): in the S & M sort of way…

Tiff (2:37:41 PM): hahahahahha!! WHAT?!

Tiff (2:37:58 PM): “QUIET YOU! or else…it’s the CORNERS!!”  “I’m SORRY MISTRESS!’

Lor (2:38:03 PM): hahaha

Lor (2:38:09 PM): and we’re holding those whips

Tiff (2:38:16 PM): hahah and pointing to the boxes

Lor (2:38:19 PM): yeah

Lor (2:38:26 PM): no one will be afraid of that

Lor (2:38:29 PM): unless…

Lor (2:38:36 PM): can you beat a person to death by box corners?

Tiff (2:38:43 PM): hahahhaha yeah, that is true.  hahaha that would take forEVER

Tiff (2:38:52 PM): it’d be like chinese water torture

Tiff (2:38:55 PM): kind of..

Lor (2:38:55 PM): yes

Lor (2:38:57 PM): drip drip

Lor (2:39:00 PM): except we do…

Lor (2:39:03 PM): beat beat beat beat

Tiff (2:39:06 PM): HAHAHHAHAHAHA

Tiff (2:39:11 PM): omg, we’d be so feared

Lor (2:39:14 PM): totally

Lor (2:39:20 PM): we can carry box corners under our clothes

Lor (2:39:27 PM): for quick death-access

Tiff (2:39:42 PM): hahahahha why not just the WHOLE boxes. we’d make lovely silleuettes

Lor (2:39:52 PM): haha

Lor (2:39:56 PM): we’d look like robots

Tiff (2:40:27 PM): hahahahahah it’d be even funnier if we got followers because of that

Tiff (2:40:29 PM): OMG IDIOTS

Lor (2:40:31 PM): yes!

Lor (2:40:37 PM): and then we commit mass suicide

Tiff (2:40:41 PM): hahahahhahhaahaha

Lor (2:40:43 PM): and tell them that when we die

Lor (2:40:45 PM): we become boxes

Tiff (2:41:03 PM): why does our scenarios always end in death?!!

Tiff (2:41:03 PM): I WANT TO LIVE!!!

Tiff (2:41:11 PM): but becoming a box WOULD be nice

Tiff (2:41:15 PM): i could…store things

Lor (2:41:20 PM): yes…

Lor (2:41:33 PM): i could also store things…

Tiff (2:41:36 PM): hahhahaha

Lor (2:41:39 PM): and then be put into a dark closet

Lor (2:41:42 PM): and opened periodically

Tiff (2:41:54 PM): have a contest who could store more, and then….we get into a fight and attack each other with our corners

Tiff (2:42:03 PM): hahahha

Tiff (2:42:11 PM): oooooooooh opened periodically

Lor (2:42:11 PM): when our owners open up the closet

Tiff (2:42:13 PM): that’s so HOT

Tiff (2:42:15 PM): hahahahahahahahaha

Lor (2:42:23 PM): they see their belongings strewn everywhere

Lor (2:42:27 PM): and us ripped to shreds

Lor (2:42:33 PM): because we killed each other with our corners

Tiff (2:42:49 PM): hahaha cuz we’re such poor excuese for boxes. hahaha YES, our corners are deadly

Lor (2:42:55 PM): deadly corners

Tiff (2:43:02 PM): hahahhahaha

Lor (2:43:03 PM): hell, lets just take over the world

Tiff (2:43:06 PM): i wish i had corners NOW

Tiff (2:43:10 PM): i’d be…pointy

Lor (2:43:11 PM): i mean, no one can resist the deadly corners

Tiff (2:43:20 PM): hahahhaha they cry with fear

Lor (2:43:33 PM): pointy + storage capabilities = GOD

Lor (2:43:40 PM): why didn’t we realize this earlier?

Tiff (2:43:45 PM): OMG! THE SACRED FORMULA!!!!

Lor (2:43:56 PM): all we need now is followers

Lor (2:44:01 PM): and a book of all our teachings

Tiff (2:44:07 PM): hhahah they will succumb

Tiff (2:44:19 PM): we’ll have to eliminate our competitors, the CRATES

Lor (2:44:25 PM): oh…those crates…

Lor (2:44:32 PM): i’m sure we boxes outnumber them

Tiff (2:44:32 PM): and you were SELLING THEM

Lor (2:44:34 PM): i know!

Tiff (2:44:35 PM): for shame…

Lor (2:44:37 PM): what was i thinking?!

Lor (2:44:39 PM): brainwashed!

Tiff (2:44:44 PM): hahhahha they almost HAD YOU!

Lor (2:44:47 PM): I MUST CLEANSE MYSELF OF THE CRATES!

Tiff (2:44:57 PM): hahhaha i had to hit you with my deadly corner to wake you up!

Tiff (2:45:05 PM): CLEANSE YOU BOXY WOMAN

Lor (2:45:15 PM): i’m still scarred on my lower left corner

Tiff (2:45:28 PM): hehehehhe a little reminder of ME, on YOU

Lor (2:45:34 PM): yes…

Tiff (2:45:40 PM): DON’T RUB IT OFF

Tiff (2:45:41 PM): STOP THAT

Lor (2:45:44 PM): i will get box surgery

Tiff (2:45:57 PM): ….why do you hurt me….

Lor (2:45:58 PM): would box surgery be like…

Lor (2:46:06 PM): cardboard surgery instead of plastic surgery?

Tiff (2:46:10 PM): hahahahah YES

Lor (2:46:13 PM): i thought so

Tiff (2:46:19 PM): so prestigious

Lor (2:46:21 PM): no wonder all of the doctors kept on turning me away

Tiff (2:46:30 PM): i wanna marry a cardboard surgeon

Lor (2:46:31 PM): they kept on telling me, “NO BOXES”

Lor (2:46:33 PM): me too!

Tiff (2:46:34 PM): they’re awesome

Lor (2:46:37 PM): they make millions

Lor (2:46:43 PM): and you know cardboard surgeons are HOT

Tiff (2:46:58 PM): haha totally hot

Tiff (2:47:23 PM): hahahha you finally realized you’re a box after the 60th doctor says, “NO! YOu’RE A BOX!” ????? hahahha smaaart

Lor (2:47:39 PM): actually

Lor (2:47:43 PM): after he told me I was a box

Lor (2:47:51 PM): i went into a period of deep denial

Tiff (2:47:57 PM): oh dear

Lor (2:47:58 PM): and i only realized the truth

Lor (2:48:05 PM): when the doctors kept on trying to store stuff in me

Lor (2:48:09 PM): and i couldn’t get a cab

Lor (2:48:17 PM): because i was small, square, and looked like garbage

Tiff (2:48:30 PM): hahahahhahahahahha

Lor (2:48:30 PM): stupid racist cabbies

Lor (2:48:38 PM): why can’t they just accept our differences?!

Tiff (2:48:36 PM): sue their asses

Lor (2:48:41 PM): i will!

Lor (2:48:45 PM): for box defamation!

Tiff (2:48:47 PM): and then…CORNER THEM

Lor (2:48:49 PM): oooh

Tiff (2:48:50 PM): that’ll teach them

Lor (2:48:53 PM): the final judgement

Lor (2:49:00 PM): DIE BY CORNERS!

Lor (2:49:05 PM): they will try to run

Lor (2:49:10 PM): but i am faster than they are

Lor (2:49:14 PM): though i dont’ know how

Tiff (2:49:17 PM): hahahaha with your NONlegs

Lor (2:49:20 PM): considering i’m square on the bottom

Tiff (2:49:23 PM): you just glide

Lor (2:49:26 PM): oh yes

Lor (2:49:31 PM): on invisible breezes

Tiff (2:49:35 PM): hahahahahhaa

Tiff (2:49:51 PM): that’d be SO HELLA FUNNY! some guy is running for his life cuz a box is chasing after him

Lor (2:50:19 PM): yeah

Lor (2:50:21 PM): a box

Lor (2:50:24 PM): with asian eyes

Lor (2:50:28 PM): cursing at him

Tiff (2:50:32 PM): hhahahaha squinty eyes

Lor (2:50:34 PM): yes

Lor (2:50:41 PM): for we are “made in china”

Lor (2:50:47 PM): check the sticker on your flap

Tiff (2:50:51 PM): “get BACK HERE! I’ll CORNER YOU GOOD!” hahahaahhah excellent

Tiff (2:50:58 PM): oh yes, i am Chinese as well

Lor (2:51:01 PM): ah

Lor (2:51:09 PM): if you were American made, i would have had a problem

Lor (2:51:11 PM): with you

Tiff (2:51:22 PM): hahhah and i would’ve fallen apart months ago

Lor (2:51:28 PM): ahahahah

Tiff (2:51:28 PM): oooh NOW who’s racist

Lor (2:51:29 PM): totally

Tiff (2:51:30 PM): hahahahaha

Lor (2:51:34 PM): me!

Lor (2:51:36 PM): ahaha

Tiff (2:51:38 PM): hahahhahaha

Tiff (2:51:44 PM): oh yeah, you’re not PC

Tiff (2:51:47 PM): i forgot that

Tiff (2:51:50 PM): haahaha

Lor (2:51:50 PM): thats right

Lor (2:51:55 PM): boxes rule.

Lor (2:51:58 PM): boxes are god

Tiff (2:52:00 PM): we’re GODS

Tiff (2:52:01 PM): YES

Lor (2:52:02 PM): exactly

Tiff (2:52:02 PM): hahahahahha

Tiff (2:52:04 PM): that’s a quote

Lor (2:52:12 PM): our “box bible” will be filled with things like,

Lor (2:52:21 PM): “shift your eyes as often as possible”

Tiff (2:52:25 PM): ahahhaahahah

Tiff (2:52:28 PM): yes, exactly!

Lor (2:52:30 PM): “eat small baby animals”

Lor (2:52:37 PM): and the like

Tiff (2:52:48 PM): Use your corners only in danger….of if you’re really pissed off

Lor (2:52:54 PM): hahaha

Tiff (2:53:04 PM): hahaha

Lor (2:53:10 PM): “use the wind to your advantage…catch up to the infidels!”

Tiff (2:53:15 PM): hahahahahhahah

Tiff (2:53:23 PM): if you see a crate, it SHALL be a match to the death

Lor (2:53:34 PM): ahahaha

Lor (2:53:37 PM): everywhere,

Lor (2:53:43 PM): there will be boxes and crates fighting

Tiff (2:53:48 PM): hahha DOG FIGHTS!

Lor (2:53:49 PM): and there will be no room to walk

Lor (2:53:55 PM): because there are too many of them

Lor (2:54:00 PM): and people will gamble on them

Tiff (2:54:12 PM): hahahahahha i can see it!! the shuffling noises, the boxes and crates slamming into each other

Tiff (2:54:15 PM): it’s…it’s…

Tiff (2:54:18 PM): it’s beautiful

Lor (2:54:25 PM): yes…

Lor (2:54:29 PM): it brings a tear to my eye

Lor (2:54:35 PM): a tear shaped like…a box

Lor (2:54:45 PM): and i’m crying cardboard

Tiff (2:54:45 PM): heheheheh!! hahhaha they’re all pointy and scratch your face

Tiff (2:54:48 PM): hahahahaaah

Lor (2:54:50 PM): yeah

Lor (2:54:52 PM): ah!

Lor (2:54:53 PM): the tears!

Lor (2:54:55 PM): they burn!

spiffytiffi912 (2:55:54 PM): hahahhhahahaha

spiffytiffi912 (2:56:01 PM): ….why doesn’t anybody understand us…

watermelonwish (2:58:04 PM): i don’t know…

watermelonwish (2:58:11 PM): they must not understand english or something

 

…magnificent…just…magnificent…

Tiff and I desperately need our own tv show.  At the Rice Bowl today, the back of my fortune said something about winning a chance to pitch your idea for a tv show to 3 television execs.  Our three target channels:  ABC Family, F/X, or BET, all of which are known for their original, hilarious, and insanely popular television programs. 

Everyday Tiff and I churn out quotes of PURE COMEDIC GOLD.  We have been hailed by the most trusted names in television as being “uhh, who are you?,” “call security,” and “oh my god don’t touch me!”  All we ask for is a tv crew, that has a high tolerance for brilliance, and a low tolerance for not-funny-ness, who will follow us around 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 364 days a year (Tiff and I need one day off to make proper sacrifices to our lord:  Pan, the amorous goat god).

Everyday, our show will answer tough Tiff and Lor-related questions.  Questions like:

Was Tiff one of those freaky Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz?

Is Loretta really a man?

Are they lesbians?

Are they robots running on the power of cats?

Does Tiff collect dog poo?

Did Loretta eat a small child?

And much, much more.

Here’s a taste of what you’ll get:

Lor:  It’s like the villain guy in the old black and white films with those curly mustaches who tie chicks to train tracks.  (pretends to finger a mustache) Nyah hah hah!

Tiff:  The weird things is that they never stick around to see the hero save the girl.  I mean, they tie the girl to the tracks to get the hero to come, why do they just let him save her?

Lor:  And then it always ends the same way, with the villain cursing the hero, “Damn you…(shifty eyes)…Zorro!”

Tiff:  Yeah, or, “Damn you Scarlet Pimpernel!!!”

Lor:  HAHAHA…Scarlet–HAHA…Pimpernel?  What the hell are you talking about?!  We might as well have him say, “Damn you Tom Sawyer!”

Tiff:  “I’ll get you yet, Man in the Iron Mask!  I’ll see you in Monte Cristo with Musashi!”

It’s only a matter of time my friends…only a matter of time…